Oct 20, 2016

When you walked back in

When you both left us one day,
into your heavenly abode,
it felt numb; spaced and cold
Like a thousand roses suddenly turned to bricks

Shutting my doors tight for days.
not letting even a ray of hope to let go,
falling back again into bursts of grief palpitations,
I held on the memories that you gave; with every heart strand of mine.

I couldn't believe the absence of your presence,
I shook my mind in disbelief, as though I heard a big lie,
Letting go off you and your memories is not easy.
Until one day when you surprised me in my dreams.

I saw you both, sitting on the verandah of our home you so loved;
I saw you both in your usual attires, hands folded on your laps
Creased hands, white hair;
smiling at happiness of being back there,
Waiting for us to come and talk to you, with that familiar starry eyes,
but wet with tears- for you moved away from us.

I saw you clearly and began gallopping to the love you were.
I was tired but that didn't matter.
All that made sense then was the fact that you've come back
As I leaped onto your laps and begged you, 'Come Back'

You touched me with your cold hands,
My foreheard, burning with sweat.
My tears that ran down my heart,
with all my might, I called you back,

"Come back just once"

"we can't"; you replied. You replied slow that it rang my ears for sure,
"We aren't allowed to"; as I sat looking at both of you, smiling at me, with tears in your eyes,
"they won't let us come back; they have never let anyone go back, so you should know"
As I wept on clutching her fist close to my heart.

Grandma and Grandpa, I will never let your memory go.
Miss you every single day.

Sep 28, 2016


Italy; what a magical place to be!

It has always been a wish in my heart to visit this phenomenal land ever since I jealously chanced over a friend's Facebook profile, who was honeymooning at Rome! x-(
And now when it was my chance, I couldn't have been happier! Venice, Padova, Rome and Vatican; Thankyou and I am happy!

Some photos to share and care

Venice is all about Love!

Delicious Deli roll with Mozzarella!

Age old charm. Unbeatable.

Sep 27, 2016

To Stop Waste

The sense of waste that dawns to you after you have crossed a convincing age is miraculous. To some really old humans, such a sense has hardly ever dawned and hence, do not even consider such exceptions.
I am talking about the educated, well-read humans, with at least some sensitivity to the world and people around, to who the dawning of 'waste' is a mere matter of time.

Waste is inevitable if you are a living being. And because we are humans, our wastage is exponentially macabre. We dump waste at every nook and cranny of our earth and nature and it pretty much holds up as to why we are termed by ourselves often as the most destructive of all species. Well, if you think of it even dung beetles love the shit they roll in, except for us humans; we throw 'em all.

And it looks like I am in that phase of realization; that phase where I realize that I belong to this species that can only destruct and destroy. And that ain't a good feeling. So, I have decided to  take  a step back from worldly progress and begin with 'self-waste- reduction'.

India is a populous country. And say, atleast 40% of the country is women. Within which, the women of menstruating age is atleast a good 25%? Now, I don't expect all women in India to be using sanitary pads and hence those who use sanitary pads are say another 15%? That itself is such a huge number!

Every month atleast a tonne of sanitary waste is dumped in every city in India and it breaks my heart to see that I was also a cause of that waste accumulation.This turning point in my life comes from this fact; that I am not ready to use non-biodegradable period blockers anymore. Enough is enough. I am going to shift into an alternative that could range from cotton cloth to mooncups, both of which sound utterly uncomfortable.

On second thoughts, 'the discomfort' is all a matter of 'getting used to' as afterall, humans are indeed creatures of habit.


Dec 29, 2015

My share of Chlorine juice.

It's extremely important to be healthy, strong and grateful for what we have with us. 

From the time I have been swimming regularly for about 5 months now ( I started swimming regularly from 2013, had to take a break after 8 months, continued barely in 2014, and now this stint since August), I have felt an increased urge to lookout for the holistic well-being of myself and my dears, with each passing day. I can state with conviction that when we find one 'activity' that we feel suits us the best and follow it religiously, it let's us maintain our physical and mental well being for a long time to come. It boosts the morale, increases confidence and lets you prepare well.

Anything trivial that bothered me in the morning, disappears the moment I jump into the pool as I concentrate on my breathing/ stroke. The power of conditioning your body and soul is crucial and only lies in your hands.

Eat what's required. Find some activity that moves you (physically and emotionally), hold on to it and work with it for your body and self, just gives out a better you in very few days. Promise.

Oct 19, 2015

When New York came beckoning!

The trees shed their crimson leaves
The pine cones lay scattered and in heaps
Believe me and the narrow charcoal roads
where a thousand colors of fall bestows.

Spray me some water from the splendid Niagara,
Shut me some of nature's might,
paint me some blue from Lake Ontario
Or from the North pond as ducks wade, not so shallow

Burst me the sea breeze around Lady Liberty
or the sour metal smell of the Subway doors.
Couples kiss in the quaint corners of the bogie
As the Hudson smiles beneath Brooklyn's core.

Fly me a kite, fly me a paradise,
Fly me the spin of lows and highs
Fly me those canaries, cooing in calm,
Fly me Oh! NewYork, Fly me once again! 

All pictures copyright attributed to Gayatri Sivakumar © and cannot be replicated/ reused without prior permission.

Mar 9, 2015

Ayubowan! ආයුබෝවන්

I see that glistening trinklet not so far away from me; hanging amongst a pile of other small stashes of treasures. It's beautiful and just what the doctor prescribes to convert one's sense of beauty into tangible possessions. I walk along, towards it and make it mine; quickly; only so that the discovery of that form of beauty, becomes mine.

It is Hikkaduwa and its hot outside. Aroma rises from nearby shacks and shops to serve customers. It's early noon and I am at my prim. Last day in the island nation and I wish it never turned 'last day'. The song 'All good things' rush into my mind, when I think of parting with this form of natural beauty. Which probably explains why we all try the possession of beauty into a tangible form; like a souvenir or a piece of jewelry. Such possessions keep alive the memory of beauty; and not probably the beauty itself.

Sri Lanka, always gave me memories.
All images are copyrighted and will require prior permission to replicate/ reuse.

Fish roll and Fish+ egg dumpling

Attention seeker just too adorable

Dambulla Temple

SriLankan lunch - Rice, Dal, Veggies, Fish

Cheers ! Lion Lager

Date Lunch Menu



Ancient cities

Feb 8, 2015


I miss you a lot. And I love you no matter what! 

ഞങ്ങളെ വിട്ടു പിരിഞ്ഞിട്ട് ഇന്നേക്ക് ഒരു വർഷം... heart emoticon എത്രയും പ്രിയപ്പെട്ട അച്ഛച്ചാ, ഞങ്ങൾക്ക് ഓർമ്മ വെക്കാൻ നല്ല ഒരു കുട്ടിക്കാലം തന്നതിന് ഒരായിരം നന്ദി.
'It is curious how sometimes the memory of death lives on for so much longer than the memory of the life that it purloined."-
The God of Small Things

Jan 7, 2015


Rowing the little vallom through the backwaters of Alappey. Throwback Thursday from September 2014.

Dec 24, 2014


From 2014

Where should I begin about 2014? 
It was such a bittersweet year-a total mixed one; with precious gains and unimaginable losses. Gains so like coarse honey and losses that last a lifetime. It seemed so true when people say that as you gain so shall you loose. But with 2014, there was no beginning or an end.

Rewinding is not a good idea. But at this juncture when a new year is dawning, I need to sit back and re-look at what I have gone through, what I cherish, what I miss, what to keep close, what to not let go!

1) Love came by my way; and I knew when I met that soul

2) Lost two most important people from my life: and I never expected them to vanish so soon: grandma and grandpa. Always stay etched in my heart you two, and bless us from where you are.

3) took up a new job, closer to specializing in my area. Feels better.

4) My own home. decorating it, being with it, living in it.

5) Got an opportunity to travel to Alappey; wanted to, since long. Houseboats, valloms and God of small things mega-rushed into my brain.

7) Wrote a book: being appreciated on it just makes my day, every day.

8) Started to design icons on a regular basis.

9) Started the building blocks of the second book; may take some time, with what I have in mind.

10) Learnt to cook sambar! YES! been on the hit-list that, and it was time, I mastered it.

11) Started actually dedicating my time to learning CSS + HTML. It's tough, I'll not lie, but hey, what isn't?

12) developing a weird taste for coffee. Really weird. 

13) Started my own new garden; 5-6 plants now. On the run for a terrarium now. Soon. Soon.

14) Traveled to Yercaud. It was OK but needed the break.

15) Learning to bake. Cinnamon rolls, Boom!

Let's figure what 2015's got to give. Hoping for love and peace. Praying that it be so.
Have an exceptionally awesome 2015.

Oct 7, 2014

ഒരു പിടി ഓർമകളും വാടിയ പൂക്കളും

അച്ഛമ്മേ ... എന്തിനാ എന്നെ വിട്ടു പോയത്? എന്നെ ഇഷ്ടമല്ലായിരുന്നു അല്ലെ?
എനിക്ക് അച്ച്ചമ്മയോടുള്ള  ഇഷടം കുറഞ്ഞു പോയി എന്ന് തോന്നിത്തുടങ്ങിയിരുന്നു അല്ലെ? അവസാനങ്ങൾ അടുത്തപ്പോൾ ഞാൻ ഇല്ലായിരുന്നു അല്ലെ? ഞാൻ പറഞ്ഞതല്ലേ ഞാൻ ഉടനെ വരുമെന്ന്? വന്നു കാണുമെന്ന്? പകുതി ബോധവുമായി കിടക്കുമ്പോൾ അച്ഛമ്മക്ക്‌ ഞാൻ നെറ്റിമേൽ തന്ന ഒരു പിടി ഉമ്മകൾ സാക്ഷി; എനിക്ക് തരാൻ സ്നേഹം മാത്രം ബാക്കി......

അച്ഛമ്മ ഉള്ളത് കൊണ്ട് മാത്രം ഞാൻ സ്നേഹിക്കപ്പെട്ടവളായി.  എനിക്ക് കൊതി തോന്നുന്നതെല്ലാം ഞാൻ കഴിച്ചു... ഞാൻ കരയുമ്പോൾ, എന്റെ കരച്ചിൽ കണ്ട് വിഷമം തോന്നി കരയുന്ന ഒരാളേ ഉണ്ടായിരുന്നുള്ളൂ, അച്ഛമ്മ. എന്റെ  കണ്ണീർ തുടച്ചു തന്ന് മുഖം കഴുകി തരുമ്പോൾ,  എത്ര മ്രുദുവായവ എന്ന് ഞാൻ ആശ്ച്ചര്യപ്പെടാറുള്ള അച്ഛമ്മയുടെ കൈവെള്ള ഒരിക്കൽ കൂടി കൈയിലെടുത്തു മുഖം അമർത്തി കരയണം എനിക്ക്. കരഞ്ഞു തീർക്കണം എനിക്ക്.

എന്റെ കൈ പിടിച്ചു ഡാൻസ് ക്ലാസ്സിലേക്ക് എന്നെ കൊണ്ടുപോയിരുന്ന അച്ഛമ്മ. എന്റെ പല്ല് പറിചപ്പോൾ വേദന കൊണ്ട് പുളഞ്ഞ എനിക്ക് ഐസ് ക്രീം വാങ്ങി തന്ന എന്റെ അച്ഛമ്മ.

ഞാൻ സ്കൂൾ വിട്ടു വരുന്നതും കാത്ത് എന്തെങ്കിലും പലഹാരം ഉണ്ടാക്കി, സ്കൂളിലെ വിശേഷങ്ങൾ അന്വേഷിച്ചു, അനിയത്തിയെയും ഒക്കത്ത് ഇരുത്തി  ഊട്ടി,  ഉമ്മറത്ത് കാത്ത് നില്ക്കുന്ന അച്ഛമ്മയെ എനിക്ക് ഒന്ന് കൂടി കാണണം. ഒന്ന് കെട്ടിപിടിക്കണം. ഉമ്മ തരണം.

ഞാൻ എത്ര ഫോണ്‍ വിളിച്ചാലും, വിളിച്ചില്ല എന്നാ പരാതിയുമായി എന്നും എന്നോട് പരിഭവം പറയാറുള്ള അച്ഛമ്മ .... ഞാൻ ഇനി ആരെ ഫോണ്‍-il  വിളിക്കും ?  ആര്ക്ക് വേണ്ടി മധുരപലഹാരങ്ങൾ വാങ്ങും? ആരുമില്ല. വീട്ടിൽ ഇന്ന്, ഈ നേരത്ത്, ആരുമില്ല. ശൂന്യം.

അച്ഛമ്മയും ഞാനും. 

Sep 17, 2014


Very recently, I went on a houseboat at Alappey with my handsome bestie. 
The journey was calm, much needed in dosage and the experience was sweet and serene.
water, boats, daily life, bridges, kettuvalloms, canals, trees, glorious food tasting, awing at the size of lobsters, wading ducks, rowing a boat, paddy fields and the calm punnamada lake.

look ahead the tattered bridge.

slightly different, the angle.

fancy them skies

house. boat and trees

pazhampori (banana fritters) and tea.

life's this way
just get into my mouth already, sexy!
This was all mine safely, because my company was a fraud iyer boy

sauted and boiled veggies. just good.

cabbage sabji
a little kitty awes at the fishes she might get her luck on!
daily life | kuttanad.
Punnamada lake and houseboats was much needed. I also waded through the water on a small boat, rowing across the vast 'kaayal' (lake), sheepishly looking at the life outside. May be I'll visit with my family next time. Sure that sounds.

Aug 25, 2014

Jul 14, 2014

Dhe! Malayali

I have been drawing caricatures lately.
Back to the good ol' habbit of drawing that I am in,  I decided to bring back my own scribble book and start up! I need inspirations to draw further more, although here in this one I gave it dedicatedly to my semi roots.

Dhe! Malayali series is about a few malayalis and their most likely attires, jobs, names and culture. Not saying much, but you can always see!

All images under copyright of Gsnair88 and shall not be reproduced.